Wasted TIME
Where the last 2 years completely wasted? Could I have been with someone who would have treated me with respect or could I have been happier being without them all together? I’ll never know.
But this is all bullshit i’m slowly realizing. as my sister said, he’s making it clearly obvious by his actions that he doesn’t want to be with me. so why am i trying so hard? Do i even really still love him? I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t even love him like I think i do…I used to be so in love with him and yet, I can’t understand why now, that I so badly want to be with him? But then I think.. do i really want to be with someone whose going to ignore me because “Sorry I was playing a drinking game.” ah, yes, I see the importance. were you playing that game the past 3 days, 24 hours straight? mmmm no. lame excuse? yes.
Do I miss him? Yes. With all my heart, it was 2 years of my life and he’ll always hold my heart no matter what.
Do I think I should try to move on? Probably. in the interest of my happiness, I really should, like literally everyone i talked to has said. The thing i hate is that when I finally start to do this, like I won’t talk to him for a few days, then he’ll suddenly text me and ask me why I’m not talking to him. Then i think okay, he wants me to talk to him because when I called him, he said he did, then when I do, I get no response so he’s just making sure i’m still around for when HE has the time whenever HE feels like talking. I’m his fallback.
I told him that “For some stupid reason i think were going to get back together when were not going to” and he said “I’m sure we will” ——so does that mean like soon? Probably not. does it mean when its convenient for him? yeah, but whose to say i wont be completely over this?
On new years eve he told me “I don’t deserve you norah” and i never believed that until he said it that night.
Honestly. i’m so confused and don’t know what i want to do, i know what i SHOULD do, yet should do is hard.
